Broken heart!!!

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Beitrag von prinzessin1976 24.02.06 - 14:37 Uhr

Broken heart

They see me smile
but behind that smile my heart is broken.
They hear me laugh and tell jokes
but behind that laugh my heart is broken.
They think I am successfully following my goals
but my broken heart is showing different.
My goal was staying with the man I love.
Raising a family.
Enjoying the feeling of holding someone while I am strong and beeing held while I am weak!

Yes I yelled when I felt invisible!
Yes I cryed when I felt helpless not beeing able to change things!
Yes I left after realizing thats the only way of changing things!!!
I am tired of leaving!

I hate myself for not beeing able to make my husband love and care for me!!!

I will never forget the days we once had.
The days when he was everything to me.
The days when I felt precious to him!!!
My heart told me we would be together forever.
But now I realze it was all just a big dream!
That dream popped like a bubble!
The feeling I have for him will never go.
It will stay inside of me!
Always!
Doesnt matter how much he tries to hurt me.
I wish I could turn back time and erase those regretfull days.
Those days when I made him stop holding and loving me.
Those days that made him start hating me!

I know one day I will see him holding someone else
and him seeing me beeing hold by someone else.
That thought makes my heart shake and fall apart in a million pieces!
My dreams , my hopes, my wishes and my heart
falling apart in that same second!!!
In a million pieces!!!

Sometime I wonder if he still loves me behind this icy cold wall he is hiding behind - Standing there with a hammer trying to hurt me?! !Trying to get it back to me: Paybacktime!!!!
I just did everything i could to save our marriage!
One of my last tries was seperating!
I was hoping we would find a way of loving and caring for eachother by seeing it from a different perspective!
Now my hope basicly died out!
I realized its the end!
Why?
Because he is very happy without me!
He looks much happier without me than while we stayed together!
It breaks my heart in million pieces letting go of my dream!
letting go of my believe in him wanting to come back together with me and life with our beautiful son!
It makes me cry, pray and hope...
hope for a happy family!
Hope for someone who will pick up these million pieces of my broken heart and put them back together!!!!
But until then I am broken deep inside!!!
So I keep on smiling.... trying to be strong!
I smile and laugh!


To P.B.A.
From N.A.



Beitrag von mumpelkopf 25.02.06 - 13:06 Uhr

#kratz

Andere Mütter haben auch schöne Söhne, also schnapp Dir Deine beste Freundin und geht auf die Piste.

Beitrag von mei_ling 28.02.06 - 22:07 Uhr

Vergiss das bloede Kommentar von meiner Vorrednerin. Wer sowas schreibt, hatte noch keinen richtigen Liebeskummer. Ich verstehe dich & deinen Text leider sehr. It makes me cry...!

Liebe Gruesse! Meichen #blume

Beitrag von prinzessin1976 01.03.06 - 20:18 Uhr

Danke!!!
Das sagt sich so einfach!!! Das "auf die Piste gehen" ist ein toller Vorschlag (von Deiner Vorrednerin) den ich schon lange umgesetzt habe!!! Mein Selbstbewusstsein ist zwar dabei erheblich gestiegen und ich habe erkannt dass ich nicht nur als Hausfrau und Mutter gesehen werde(!!!) dadurch das Männer scheinbar Interesse an mir haben aber mich auf einen von den ach so tollen "Söhnen" einzulassen würde mir im Traum nicht einfallen! Ich hoffe die Zeit heilt die Wunden aber es schmerzt ganz schön wenn ein Lebenstraum plötzlich zerplatzt! :-(

Danke für Deine Antwort!!!
#liebdrueck